Addikit's addictions

so lame

2011-10-09T18:45:00.001-07:00

so i either have a minor fraction on the ball of my foot or (at an early age) gout. fucking.. shitty.

so i have to take 4 days off from work, which, you would think is something that i would look forward to. but sadly i don't get sick leave, so i'll have to try and struggle to make up the hours at the end of the week. which i'm not looking forward to.

but anyways, the main dillema is what i'm going to do with my spare time <_< which, so far has been me keeping my foot elevated on the couch while watching Breaking Bad

which is living up to all the hype. so far.

and like anyone else, i also get kind of giddy when they mention albuquerque or see a place or street in the shots that i recognize.

but i'm sure it's going to get real old after several straight hours of it :/

i'll probably move on to some Assasin's Creed.

but also in this vast amount of spare time i think i've decided on a hobby. it's a little pricey to get in to, but i think overall it'll be worth it. especially if i can find a way to make some capital off of it.

but that hobby would be photography mixed in with web-design and trying to implement some marketing & advertising *shrug* it's worth a shot and regardless it'll be enjoyable.

should it matter?

2011-02-26T16:25:00.001-08:00

ugh. so today it came to the attention of my friends that i have been talking to an ex-bf of mine.. but not just any ex; this boy has literally caused a shit ton of grief for me and my friends several times.. which i'm sure makes you wonder why i even talk to him..

well, the reason isn't simple. in fact i don't even understand it myself. even though i hate everything about him, i still care about how he's doing, if he's okay, happy, etc.. i hate the idea of him being abandoned..

but i don't know what to do. i care so much about my friend's opinions and feelings over this matter that it puts me in such a tough situation. but when confronting my ex and suggesting that we stop talking because of it; i become at a grieving point.. i don't want to stop talking to him.

so should my friends dislike of what i'm doing come in the way of what makes me happy?

i mean. we don't even talk over text, or phone. it's over email and it's sparingly..

blah. i guess i'll just wait and see

the worst mentality

2011-01-13T21:12:00.000-08:00

so i've decided to write about something that i've come to realize a while back but haven't really addressed yet.

i have this crazy delusion that if things were "different" i would be more productive. that the reasons for me not being able to accomplish certain tasks or excel in doing different goals is because i don't have the right 'things' to help me do it.

for instance. i have made the excuse that "I can't blog or write as much because i don't like writing on a desktop and my netbook is too tiny. i need a laptop in order to do it". however, i guarantee that if i did get a laptop my creativity would probably increase for a little bit and for only a short amount of time. if i was going to write i should be capable of doing it on any type of media. end of story.

another example; would be about going to different places and being more active outside of the house.. if i had another vehicle. this one i give some credit, it's hard to justify getting in a truck that's on it's last leg and going places especially since it's a gas hog, etc.. but it shouldn't be an excuse. i should still go out and do what i want to do regardless of it.

i don't know. i think i'm crazy. but i think i can use this to my own benefit since it motivates me to at least try and achieve certain goals (:

so anyways, that was my pointless post for the day (: enjoy

at an early morning

2010-09-17T17:57:00.000-07:00

so i'm sitting here on the couch at my aunt's house; sipping on a vodka martini and listening to the tv playing in the room; and it hits me; today was a good day (:

i woke up early, for once, made my cousin's lunch, read some of my book, rested for about 45 minutes and then got up and ate some breakfast and had some coffee.

i was ready for the day at this point.

after a shower the baby, lily and i went on a walk where we got some fresh air and i also got some cool photos, then we went to lily's grandparents house where we hung out with her nanu and made some lunch. after we got back to the casa i helped my uncle out with some things that needed to get done around the house, like fixing the door for the ducks and pulling some wood out for the chicken coup that he's about to build.

after everything was done my uncle showed me the church and told me some history about the town and such. along with getting some photographs of it as well. there was a casket like creation in the church that had a jesus mannequin in it which was bloody and gory! i wanted a picture of it pretty bad but i felt it might have been a little disrespectful to do it. so i'll try and go back another time to get some snap shots.

me and joe also decided to go and check out the wind mills that are getting built, it's crazy cool looking to see them up there on the hills. more so than one would think :/ or maybe i'm just easily impressed with such things :p

so that pretty much highlights my day, it might not sound like too much but overall it was amazing (:

now to wait for my aunt and cousin to get home to go to the bar and get some grub :D

ttyl bloggers

minor update

2010-09-10T03:11:00.001-07:00

I’ve been sick for the last 3 days, it’s 4am and I’m restless.. this sucks!

So my ab~~use~~ has come to a great decline. Which is a great start to just quitting altogether (: how exciting right?

On another note, I’m broke as hell! Holly crap did becoming sick fuck with my income, not to mention my ridiculous spending habits lately.. christ..

Well anyways, I guess I don’t have as much as I thought I would have to say…

current battle, but not the war..

2010-07-15T22:37:00.001-07:00

For the last year or so I have found myself getting more involved in a habitual use of narcotics and alcohol. Completely aware of the risks involved. But to me I just always created reason for it. That life was meant to be lived and that how could such a fun time be considered a detriment to my life? Don’t get me wrong, there’s always physical/mental side effects of using any drug or consuming alcohol. But I chose only to abuse drugs like Ecstasy and Dexedrine, which for the most part aren’t habit forming or extremely dangerous. Sure they’re trying to link E to memory loss, but nothing has been conclusive. --- I’m straying from my point though.

Regardless of how I could defend myself, I know that this can’t continue forever. My bank account has seen the damage, and I can feel the damage mentally. At what point do I finally say “I have to stop”; because soon enough I’m going to be dependant on being high to have a good time and when I build up a tolerance to this, then what? Another drug of choice has to be made? What kind of endless hole am I beginning to dig for myself?

I’m also starting to fear what will happen to me and a certain group of friends. We always drink or take something when we hang out. I don’t think I’ve actually hung out with them sober or not hung over. It’s a scary thought.

I know this sort of sounds like I’m going to continue to abuse but have to face the facts eventually; but truth is I’ve already decided to discontinue the narcotics and limit my alcohol consumption (possibly quit it altogether, just trying not to set myself up for failure). Quitting for me will be easy. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to talk to some of the people I love that are taking it so much further, without making them feel like I’m against them and some kind of preaching hypocrite? <_>, Also, what if my friends don’t like or appreciate the sober Sam? I know the answer to that is obvious.. the answer to my next question is also obvious.. what if I can’t say no to my friends when I hang out with them again?